Move Over Mary Poppins!

The real life adventures of one nanny, her husband, child, dogs, house, and whatever else crosses her path.

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Sunday, November 02, 2008

Project Me

Like my pal, Fibby, I've been in a project-y mood this weekend. I've got a few boring household ones, but one of the larger, more revelatory ones is spending a little of my resources on me.

When I got pregnant at the beginning of 2007 I turned inward. My social life slowed down, I was nesting with Mark and the dogs, feathering the nursery, talking to my unborn son. Then he arrived, and bang! I was Mama. My identity sort of got swallowed up in a riptide of hormones and breastfeeding and sleep-learning and exhaustion. Not exactly post partum depression, more like like post partum identity loss.

I've put on some unwelcome pounds, and I started to feel sorry for myself. Yikes!

Suddenly, I found myself feeling lonely and unattractive. I found myself grumpy and irritable. I found myself watching reruns of daytime reality shows like Clean House and What Not to Wear. And like a great big cliche, I saw the light.

I needed to embrace who I am right now, take care of myself a little, and start liking my life. Because really, I have a solid, happy marriage, a healthy son, a home, a job, friends who might still love me if I ever called them....

That said, where does a girl start? Well, for me, it's the material things. Don't judge. I know me pretty well, and I know that I need to feel pretty before I can get down to the hard work. So, I shopped. Judiciously, with coupons and gift cards and free shipping deals. And this weekend, I rebuilt my wardrobe with pretty clothes that fit the me that's here, not the me before Felix, or when I was skinny six years ago or when I was on my honeymoon, or whatever. Just. Me. Now.

I bought red high heeled shoes, and a mock croc bag. I bought a sparkly necklace. And some new unmentionables... Today, I went to run errands in a cashmere sweater, a skirt and cute shoes. With a little mascara and lip gloss on. And you know what? I felt good. Good enough that I fought the urge to buy bad snacky foods. Good enough to stand up straight and smile at people, not just hide behind the carriage full of groceries and baby.

So, Project Me is definitely under way!

Now that I'm moving along on that front, though, there's laundry and dishes and cooking that needs to get done...

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Blogger fibby said...

Yay for you! I just got a new cashmere sweater too (justified by the logic of "my job is stressful and so if rubbing my own soft cashmere arm will comfort me on a bad day, then it is totally justifiable to purchase this sweater"). TOTALLY worth it.

11/2/08, 6:06 PM  
Blogger jen said...

good for you! i'm about to start a new job and after being a SAHM for 3 years, well lets just say the clothes must have shrunk while left alone in the closet too long. i had forgotten how much fun it was to be "all about me!"

look forward to "getting to know ya" this month!

11/2/08, 8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for making me not feel alone with my own post partum identity loss and the inspiration to do something for me.

11/3/08, 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like you are on the road to finding you again. :) It is strange, but predictable, how our identities change with marriage, and then hugely with the arrival of children. I'm way ahead of you, past working days, past childraising,in a settled happy marriage, if there is such a thing as settled, and still the search continues, as every life stage brings new things, different ideas about who we are. It always interests me, though, and I try to find the good, as you have done for yourself. :) Way to go, friend! Enough philosophy from samm....

11/3/08, 5:39 PM  

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