I've been thinking a lot in the last three days about how well you can really know anyone... And what the consequences of loving someone are if you have to shift your perception of who they really are. A good friend of mine found himself in trouble; the kind of trouble that haunts you for all your days. It was the kind of trouble that shocks, even horrifies many. Now he's missing, and we have to presume the worst, and all I can think of is that none of us who loved him even knew he was troubled.

The world at large might damn him for what he's done, but I cannot. This man has been the most generous hearted friend... always loving and supportive, loyal, funny in wry and impish way, and missed in the gaps between times we talked. If his past damaged him, and he has faught his demons for all these years, his only sin in my eyes is that he didn't ask us for help. Now, he has been driven to wrongful and perhaps even desperate measures, and we are sick with worry for him.

I guess in the end, his actions towards me and towards the people we have both known and loved outweigh the accusations against him. I will have to learn to see this new and sad facet of him, but he will always be my friend. And no matter what has become of him, he will always be loved.