This Guy Was Living My Dream

I got this email forwarded to me by my uncle, and whether it's true or not, this guy was living my dream. I think about doing stuff like this all the time when I'm at Target (or heaven forbid, Walmart...) or in the mall...

DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...

After Mr. & Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring & preferred to get in & get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department & told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera & used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least ...

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

A Long Awaited FO!

I finally finished one of the projects I've been stalled on: a stuffed bunny I designed. I've named him Glenn, in memory of my late, beloved friend, who, like this bunny was goofy, lanky, and easily hugged.

This one is missing facial features, and I'm going to knit him up a quick scarf, but as a design prototype, he's a success. In the future, there are things I will tweak to perfect the design, but I feel really good about getting him together and having O really love him. I had originally intended him for my own little boy, but O may have laid a claim.

Still Here

It's official, Ravelry has taken over my life. And the worst part is, though I gave you a link, you can't even peruse the sight if you're interested (which I realize approximately zero of you are), because they're technically still testing, and you have to be invited to log in...

::sigh::

The online organization and public display of my knitting life has kicked my tush into high gear on some projects I've left languishing this spring and early summer. Such as the "mystery gifty project" and the stuffed toy project.

It has proven difficult, though, to tear myself away even long enough to put together a decent blog post...

Suffice it to say, I'm still here, and still hanging with O, still chauffeuring Miss E to camp, still envisioning a finished house for the new little one to live in... And I'm still reading most of you, unless you lurk, and then I don't know you.

Paintjam

Neat.

Ravelry

OK, so anyone who knows me understands that I am, at the core, a colossal dork.

A few months ago I signed up for the waiting list to beta-test a new website called Ravelry. Today, I got my invitation, and I have pretty much spent every non-O-watching moment of my day today fiddling with my new account.

Basically, it's a knitting and crocheting community site with places for fiberholics to post their projects, patters, yarn stash, etc. There are photos, groups, forums, all the good stuff. And you can peek at what other people are up to! Ooooh! Yum.

Of course, all this fiddling led to a Flickr account to support the photo end of the account, and finally a feed reader (I know, I've been blogging in the stone age). I feel very competent, somehow. And maybe a little caught up?

A Battle of Wills

6:24 PM: Owen finishes his corn on the cob and medium rare rib eye with mild, kid-friendly garlic rub. He gives his 2 ounce serving of milk the hairy eyeball.

I reply that, like his sister, he must finish his milk in order to be "all-done."

He resists, whines, cries, bangs his head on the table, and generally carries-on for a while, before finally succumbing to my eleventeenth attempt at the "just one sip? then we can go from there..." gambit.

As I predicted, "just one more" turns into "just one more? all the way to the bottom of the glass" in less than a minute.

6:45 PM: I, wearily, but with great cheer and enthusiasm, wipe off his milk mustache and get him down from his booster seat.

I am the warrior!

Happy Fourth!

I'm home today, and for the rest of the week, while O is off to the family lake house in NH for a few days, to hang with his absentee sibs. This gives me the chance to not pay the "dog-walker" (who really just comes around midday and lets them out to play in our back yard and refills their water) for three days, and maybe work towards organizing the room that will be the nursery.

When did this room become an obsession? I saw a cute crib set at The Company Store, and used an online promo code to get %15 off, and now I'm up to my ears in paint chips, and I have dreams about the new upholstery for the secondhand glider we acquired. I'm having deep debates with myself over light blocking window shades. We started registering for baby stuff, and it made me a little giddy...

Please tell me, any Moms out there who read me, that I'm not totally insane!

The funny thing is, I have a really cool head about baby gear. Having worked with tiny babies, big babies, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary schoolers, 'tweens, and teens over the years, I have a strong sense of what actually makes life easier for me personally, and what is unnecessary for everyone (Baby Einstein DVDs come to mind). So, I though this part was going to be easy. I never expected the decor to the thing that would become my White Whale. I am humbled by my obsessiveness. Apparently I am not the Woman of Steel, as I previously might have thought.